Why willpower is bullsh*t
I’m going to put this out there knowing it will be controversial.
I don’t believe in willpower.
Not even a little bit. I actually hate the word. I hate it even more when I hear a client use the word. Keep in mind, this is not only the perspective of a psychologist (i.e. shrink, touchy-feely therapist, enter your own stigma of a therapist here…,) but also the perspective of a former collegiate athlete and endurance sport athlete.
Sport experiences like mine should have entrenched me in the belief of willpower. The culture of sport is laden with the concept of willpower and its connection to success and goal achievement. Not to mention the influence of media, my gender, and personal family culture should all have me believing that willpower is the key to success, thinness, intelligence, athleticism, etc, etc, blah, blah blah. But it is simply not true. Willpower is bullsh*t.
I don’t ever believe that a lack of willpower is someone’s reason for not engaging in a behavior, for example changing their diet or exercising. Why you ask? Because the concept of willpower takes on a demeaning and derogatory meaning, especially when it comes to weight loss. It becomes a way that we shame ourselves into motivation, which DOES NOT WORK.
For example, how many times have you said to yourself something like, “I didn’t have enough willpower to resist those cookies,” or, “I had enough willpower to resist the temptation of…,” or, “Sticking to my exercise plan only takes willpower”?
Now let me ask you these questions: How has that worked for you? Did you find yourself getting down on yourself? What did it do for your motivation or your attitude or mood?
How about this doozy…Have you ever had a friend, family member, or personal trainer tell you or imply that your lack of being able to lose weight or manage your eating is a result of your lack of willpower? I bet that felt really great. Of course it didn’t! It feels awful!
My response when a client tells me that someone they know implied they should simply “just exercise” or “just stop eating this or that” is always some variation of, “Well gosh darn it, why didn’t we think of that? Your lifelong problem is immediately solved! Why didn’t you think of that?”
Of course, I’m being facetious and it always generates some levity and laughter amidst topics that are generally heavy and emotional. But seriously though, I think I’ve made my point about how perpetuating the myth that willpower is the key to changing a behavior is not at all helpful.
All of the previous statements and variations of them are messages that imply willpower is 1) something outside of you, 2) something to attain, or/and 3) something that you are deficient in. Based on the willpower myth, if you do (insert unhealthy behavior)/don’t do (insert goal behavior), then you are bad or there is something wrong with you.
Ultimately the willpower belief is shaming and therefore reinforcing negative beliefs and diminishing your self-efficacy and esteem.
So what do I believe in?
I believe in self-efficacy, personal power, persistence, and resilience. All of these qualities and beliefs can be learned and generated within a person.
When one believes that she has the resources to be able to succeed, she feels in control of her efforts, she believes she can cope with problems or set-backs, and she knows how to get back on track, change is possible.
And moreover, mood improves, self-esteem improves, and your perspective on life and your goals changes for the better.
I supposed one could argue that any one of those attributes/qualities could be turned into a shaming tactic. Yes, this could be true. For example, “I’m not persistent enough.” Anything could be made negative if we try hard enough. In some cases, as with a depressive disorder, it is not a matter of “trying hard enough” for the individual, but a general maladaptive and negative way in which the person views herself, others, and the world. This person often feels hopeless when it comes to change and therefore it can be challenging to develop resilience. In this case, the focus of sessions would likely include cognitive-behavioral approaches in addition to a behavior modification approach. However, these approaches also include tenants of resilience training such as encouraging insight and reframing.
So underneath it all, we are still working on building resilience.
I often work with clients on issues like depression or anxiety in addition to the goal behavior they wish to change. Sometimes these clients don’t even realize that there are other issues at play until we get into “the nitty gritty” of why they want to change and readiness to change. (By the way, readiness to change will be a topic in an upcoming blog post so stay tuned…)
In many of these cases, things like emotional eating, weight gain, or unhealthy habits become viewed as a symptom of underlying emotional concerns. This also highlights the value of seeking help with a licensed psychologist as opposed to another type of helping professional (i.e. wellness coach, life coach, personal trainer).
Not to bash these professionals, since I give mad props to any person who dedicates their career to helping others, but a psychologist who specializes in health and weight loss is adequately prepared to help you work with multiple levels of the presenting concern. Therefore, you are working on alleviating the symptoms (i.e. working to reduce emotional eating and incorporating healthy behaviors) while you are also addressing the issue at the root.
This approach has the best prognosis for MAINTENANCE of the behavior change; meaning if your goal is to lose weight, you are more likely to lose it AND keep it off.* (At the same time, a psychologist is not the sole answer to a problem like weight loss.
Talking about losing weight likely won’t make you lose weight in and of itself. Make sure you have a team of professionals to address the aspects of weight loss that you struggle with so you have the professional support you need. A team approach with health-related concerns is considered to be a best-practice in the field.)
Exceptions aside, I would encourage you to think about yourself and your goals from a new perspective: building resilience.
To be resilient means to handle life’s stressors face and adversity without letting oneself become defined or thwarted by those experiences.
To be resilient is to experience hardships and continue to grow.
Although some people are naturally predisposed to be more resilient, it is not an inborn trait that you either have or don’t. An article from Psychology Today described it best, “Resilient people don’t walk between the raindrops; they have scars to show for their experience. They struggle—but keep functioning anyway. Resilience is not the ability to escape unharmed. It is not about magic.” (Marano, 2003)
You do not have to be defined by your experiences. Resilience can be cultivated.
REFERENCES
For more information about how psychologists can help you lose weight, please see this article by the American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/weight-control.aspx
Marano, H. E. (2003, May 1). The art of resilience. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200305/the-art-resilience